Twilight Audition

I found this blog post that I never posted and thought I would share since it is fitting to this awful weather.

For those of us that live in Seattle, the news of the sun making an appearance results in many people suddenly becoming “sick” and can’t make it in to work. I was one of those extremely ill people who caught that moment of panic when I realize I may not see the sun for another 3,953 days and if I go into work I will be stuck in a cube only to witness this catastrophic event by periodically standing and looking desperately out the distant window. I NEEDED TO GET OUT THERE! At this point of the winter season my skin has become so pale I was considering auditioning for the next Twilight movie. What! They film locally. It could happen. It would be the first success story of a sun deprived person. Those actors shine artificially. I shine naturally thanks to my “Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer”. It’s supposed to make my skin three shades darker in as little as three days. THREE DAYS FOLKS! That’s equal to the amount of times the sun actually comes out. I was sold!  It has little tiny glitter flakes in it, which I now feel, is only to distract you from the fact that it does absolutely nothing to darken your skin.  I have used it for several months trying to convince myself that my skin simply takes longer than average person  to appear three shades darker but if I just wear the right color, under the right lighting,  while squinting my eyes just so and not look at myself in natural light, I look several shades darker. Well, I was so convincing that I purchased a second bottle. *sigh* I’m such a consumer. Something else that I noticed when the sun comes out in Seattle is that everyone gets out their summer clothes. That’s right; it may only be 49 degrees out but you bet your ass people will be out in shorts and tank tops accessorized with goose bumps.  So don’t even consider stepping outside in a sweater because inevitably you will get the “Are you effing kidding me? Do you not see the sun is out!?” stare from a large busted girl in spaghetti straps. You know the one.

Needless to say, I couldn’t wait for a day of sun and may have been over excited! I even got up early and drove to the beach to watch it rise beautifully over the mountains, clearly oozing pathetic. I am not sure what I was expecting, maybe the warmth on my face to add a little pink to my cheeks. Ha! The only way I could even tell the sun was out, other than the visual, was when I sat in my car and it was warm without running the heat full blast. This could have been disappointing but you know what, I got to wear my super cute gas station sun glasses. And when it comes down to it, there are not many wrongs in this world that can’t be righted with super cute gas station sun glasses.